Friday, June 18, 2010

Females n Me


Well i'm finally back after a 2 week span of being a lazy ass and not posting shet. I'm gonna drone on about women today, some of this stuff may be extremely offensive to ur gender so disclaimer b4 the mob comes to burn down my house which i wouldn't care about except its made of wood :\. Firstly i'll start with one of my favorite family guy quotes ever, its from when Peter was deciding whether to lie to Lois or not a little devil appears on his shoulder and says "Lie to her, it's okay to lie to women they're not people like us". Now about now the expression on your face if your a women is probably >:[ or :( or D:, now which ever it may be the male expression is probably :), XD or :D (most likely XD).

But seriously I've found in most cases you probably should lie and pray to whomever you pray to that they never find out which with some general mouth shutting on your part should be pretty easy. For instance if a girl asks if you like her hair your answer should be yes and you should have an excellent reason on backup just in case she asks why. At the same time women, you shouldn't be offended because trust me he likes you, its just that he probably hasn't figured out the reason yet or what else is there to like about you besides your massive boobs, big ass, long legs, cute face or whatever makes you seem fit to him.

Most times the truth about you is that besides looks when it comes to hanging out it will probably be with his boys rather than you until cuddling time (or in most peoples cases sex time) comes around. Now on to me+women, when it comes to me initially i'm very much attracted to looks first, especially medium full breasts (can do without them). On every occasion I've been attracted to a woman besides one shes been a totally crazy chick but at the same time pretty intelligent and in all but one case not wife material i.e she cant cook, clean, make me a sandwich in fact most of the girls I've been attracted to care a lot about looking good in public and being some sort of model than homely chores etc.

My relationships have ended in ruin on most occasions because ive freaked out when they got too close and said the first horrible truth i could think of about said girl to her face and turned and pretty much sprinted out the door or jumped out the window. This is the difference between me and most other men, a simple lie. I love hanging out with you because you really fun and i love talking to you instead of your really boring and i'm in dreamworld when i'm talking to you. Anyway i dont want to ramble on too long bottom line most of the time as a man your probably gonna have to lie if you wanna get laid so hope its like 10-20 years from now that she finds out and kills you

Monday, June 7, 2010

Appearances and Illusion


So this is my first blog post :D. I finally got off my ass (well technically i'm sitting on it so metaphorical ass) and started writing some shet. Appearances? what am i talking about here, one possible example is that all the employees of my dad's restaurant are under the impression that i have three different girlfriends that know nothing about each other. I don't know if they wrote that book themselves or heard it from some storyteller but this is so far from the truth its amusing to listen to the entire tale. Firstly I have the one that work by Apua, apparently she's my main woman, the boss, the queen, who shows her authority by sitting where she want and even ordering drinks or food on occasion.

The second is the small shy chick, she barely comes in the door and if i'm not inside the business she pulls out her phone and calls me to say shes there, this girl is the kip woman who knows that shes just that. The third is ridiculously hot and obviously i got her for the sex (hahaha....sure).

In reality I don't have a girlfriend and i've never had sex but as to telling employees that its none of their damn business so its funny to let them believe what they want. Around here (Antigua) it seems many people live their own illusions for instance its retarded if you own a car that costs more than you make in two years, which of course lots of people in this country do. Its also pretty fucked up if your salary is like 3000 but your house rent is 2500, everyone likes to others to think they're lives are great, possibly even perfect. Making your neighbor jealous is actually more important than actually accomplishing something worthwhile.

How about we take a moment to look at ourselves see where your image falls short of reality and try to make them match up so when the truth is told you don't have to cringe....thats my rant for the day